Mele Kalikimaka

So the Christmas tree is up, and it's absolutely beautiful!  It's my first real Christmas tree as a married woman :)  My husband is so wonderful.  He surprised me with it on his birthday.  It was really cute to see him so excited about surprising me.  It made the "surprise" that much better.  In return, I threw him a surprise 30th birthday party.  He was thrilled!  And I was thrilled that he was thrilled :)

Anyway, I'm sitting here in my lovely Makakilo condo, and I'm truly enjoying the Christmas season.  I've got a glade Christmas candle burning in the kitchen, and a Michael Buble Pandora station playing in the background.  I'm really looking forward to visiting both Florida and Indiana in a few short weeks!  I feel so blessed. 

I am having our annual Wolfe family Cookie Fest this Friday night, Dec. 7th with the Tau'a girls.  We will get all worked up into a baking frenzy!  I still need to get supplies and ingredients.  I am so thankful for the many opportunities I have to spend time building relationships with people.  I pray that I wouldn't focus on what I don't have this year, but the many things I do have.  

I don't want to be sad thinking about the choice that has to be made later on down the road... and having to choose between being close to people we really love and living somewhere we really love.  Because once we have kids, it's going to be hard to matter what we choose.  If we leave or if we stay, it will be hard... but God is good, and he has a plan.  

I'm so thankful for God's promises. I pray that these last few weeks of school will be smooth and drama free.  I pray I can get all the grading and planning done that needs to get finished before the trip, and that my patience comes in an extra strong dose.   

Rice, Easter Eggs, and Clear Plastic Jars

Walk in light, and Psalm 46:10 were two things that popped into my head today. 

The minute I awoke this morning, my mind raced with all the tasks that the day and week held.  I couldn't even escape my responsibilities in my dreams.  I had yet another dream about working.  Ugh.  Suddenly, I was reminded of a simple devotion that Mrs. McCallister gave in 8th grade homeroom back at First Assembly.  She stood at the front of the classroom by her podium and held up a clear plastic jar.  In a separate box, she also had some of those large plastic Easter eggs and a ziploc baggie filled with white rice.  She told us that the jar represented our life (that day to be more specific), the eggs represented the important things in life (eternal things), and the rice represented the everyday things (the things that aren't eternal).  There must be a reason why I remember the demonstration so clearly.  

For the first scenario, she took out the rice and poured it into the jar.  She asked how many of us got up, got dressed and started our day without prayer.  She said that as humans, our natural tendency is to worry or focus on the things right in front of us, and that it's easy to ignore what's important.  "We have good intentions to make time for God, but the cares of this world sometime take first precedence."  To make her point, she tried to add the eggs.  After the jar was filled with the rice, there wasn't room for the large eggs to fit inside.  "This is often what happens in our own lives," she explained. 

For the second scenario, she placed the large eggs into the jar first.  A real-life example of this might include talking to God about your day and all the things that need to get done.  God knows and understands our hearts.  He wants us to talk to him about everything!  After placing the eggs in first, she poured the rice into the jar with ease.  It filled in the holes and gaps between the eggs and created a nicely packed jar.  When we give God our first fruits--our best--everything somehow fits.  It's not a coincidence.  

This simple demonstration of faith in that English classroom at FACS really stuck with me.  So much so, that I was reminded of it this morning--14 years later.  The irony is that at 28, I have my own English classroom and students who need guidance.  I pray that I would never miss my own opportunities to spend time with my heavenly father through prayer and his word.  

This week especially, I'm feeling very overwhelmed with progress reports, parent emails, unit plans, lesson plans, papers, quizzes, soccer, small group, birthdays, mainland visitors and dinner guests.   Not to mention getting settled in our new townhouse from our move-in last week or simple things like going to Costco and Walmart.  The funny thing is... God knows it all, and he's beckoning me to come rest in his arms.  
   
Psalm 46:1 says "God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble."  Later in verse 10 God (through the psalmist) says, "Be still, and know that I am God;"

The cares of this life often blot out my good intentions and my time with God usually takes the back burner.  I'm thankful for times like this where I can sit in silence and talk to him about it.  I can read his word and be encouraged.  My list of responsibilities didn't magically diminish, but somehow I know I'll make it through. 

There's another story about Walking in Light, but I'll save that until tomorrow. 

Romancing My Heart

I guess I haven't thought about it in a while, but God is a Lover.  He's the lover of my soul.  A true lover wants what's best for the other and puts the other's needs before their own.  I suppose God is no different.  He loves fiercely, passionately, and perfectly.  

Something I've noticed about myself is that I have a hard time feeling loved when I don't love or approve of myself.  My earthly husband can love me so much and so deeply.  But when it really clicks is when I feel lovable and worthy of that love.  I realize that this is opposite in a way of what Scripture says, but I don't think it's wrong.  

It's my natural tendency to want to feel loved and assured and romanced.  My husband does that pretty well.  Sometimes even when I feel fat or bloated or dirty or smelly he shows that he loves me.  And I have no doubt that my husband truly loves me in those moments.  But in those same moments, I don't want to be loved because I can't stand myself!  What I'm getting at is this:  when I take care of myself and do the necessary things it takes to prepare for a night out--like showering, watching what I eat that day, dressing up, maybe a little make up, taming the unruly hair--it's amazing how different I feel when it comes to accepting my husband's love.  

It's that same with our Creator.  Does he love me less on days that I don't acknowledge him or spend time with him in prayer?  Of course not!  Does he stop showing his love because I just watched a foul movie or gossiped about a co-worker?  No.  But when my heart is not ready to receive his love, it just doesn't mean as much and the guilt is that much heavier.  If I prepared my heart the way I prepare my earthly body for a date with the hubby, I would be more receptive to the love that's always been there.  I'd be more understanding of it, and feel more worthy of it.  It doesn't make me more worthy, but we all know with women that feelings are everything.  

Some may not agree with me on this, but I think an actual relationship takes two.  God loves me fiercely and wholly and passionately, but in order to fully experience the depth of that love, I need to open myself up to him.  I need to prepare myself--as I did on my wedding day--for the God of the universe to romance me.  I know he'll love me on my worst days, just like my husband (and more), but I'll also feel him on my good days and be more susceptible to his wooing when I prepare my heart.  

I pray that I would allow myself the time to "get ready" each day.  I blow it off (both literally and figuratively) more times than not, but when I do take the time to prepare my body and heart there's nothing like it!  I pray that I would not succumb to laziness and lethargy and pass up the chance to feel beautiful and loved from the inside out... 

Rush Rush Rush

This morning I'm in a rush.  I want to get to school early so I can get my head on straight before students get there.  But I always feel like that.  I always have a place to be or a time or deadline...  I thought it would be nice just to take a time out for a few minutes before I rush out the door.  

If I don't come to Jesus with my cares and worries, how can I expect to have a good day?  If I don't ask him to fill me up, how can I pour into others?  I hope and pray that today I can be a good witness.  I pray that I wouldn't be lured into the temptation to gossip or slander.  

Lord help me to be positive, encouraging and uplifting to those around me.  I pray for all the saints... that you'd help up bring honor to your name, today.  Amen.   

Muggy and Foggy

"Let us say it again:  The universal Presence is a fact.  God is here.  The whole universe is alive with His life.  And He is no strange or foreign God, but the familiar Father of our Lord Jesus Christ whose love has for these thousands of years enfolded the sinful race of men.  And always He is trying to get our attention, to reveal Himself to us, to communicate with us.  We have within us the ability to know Him if we will but respond to His overtures. (And this we call pursuing God!)  We will know Him in increasing degree as our receptivity becomes more perfect by faith and love and practice."  A.W. Tozer

I love this excerpt.  It reminds me that though I don't feel or see or hear God sometimes, it doesn't mean he's not here with me.  His heart breaks for us and with us just as an earthly father's heart does.  

I can't help but think of my dad today.  I know his heart breaks for Andy.  When he sees him, it's hard to hold it together.  It's draining, exhausting, hard.  To witness your own son lose all hope and try to take his own life--As a father, I can't imagine anything being more painful.  I wonder if that's how God feels when we take matters into our own hands?  When we think we know what's best for ourselves, is God upset, feeling helpless until we decide to surrender--decide to choose life?   And when we make that decision, he helps us along the road... It's a flawed analogy I know.  Earthly fathers aren't God.  Sometimes it's just so hard, because our feeble minds can't understand the mysteries of the Gospel.  Nor can we understand the ways of our heavenly father.  It can be frustrating.

On another note... life goes on.  This morning it's hot and cloudy, hence the post title.  I'm already feeling hot and bothered in my stagnant apartment.  Today I have big plans.  I want to cross a lot of things off of my list.  It's time to whittle things down as the first day back draws near.  

I pray that the Lord would give me clarity of mind that I can focus on the tasks I have at hand.  I pray that I wouldn't be distracted, and that I would seek to honor him even in my busyness.  I pray for my husband who is training others at work today.  My hope is that he would stay positive and encouraging, not succumbing to the pressure of talking like everyone else.  I pray for my mom and my dad and they trudge though another day of what must feel like "getting by."  I pray for my sister as she endures this emotional pain, but now this physical ailment as well.  Keep her strong and courageous and positive.  Guide the surgeon's hand whenever the procedure takes place.  Most importantly, keep your children constantly aware of your presence.  Remind us hourly to honor you with all we are until you return.

I lift my eyes unto the hills...

"Look at God’s incredible waste of His saints, according to the world’s judgment. God seems to plant His saints in the most useless places. And then we say, “God intends for me to be here because I am so useful to Him.” Yet Jesus never measured His life by how or where He was of the greatest use. God places His saints where they will bring the most glory to Him, and we are totally incapable of judging where that may be."      -Oswald Chambers

Is this where I'm bring most glory to God, really?  Well... sometimes I still don't know what that looks like. 

Yesterday was so much more productive than the day before that.  I was able to organize my thoughts and my clutter (a little).  I had a quiet room sit down in too.  Next week I'll have to be more focused though.  The kids come in a week... ahhhhh!

I got an email from a dear friend this morning informing me of some hard times her sister is going through.  She knew I could relate due to the fact my brother is going through some tough times right now as well.  It breaks my heart when I see or hear about suffering.  I feel these weird emotions all at once.  First is guilt.  "Why do they have to suffer... I'm feeling great, but it's not fair for me to feel good and happy with life when someone else is hurting."  Second is lack of faith.  I am tempted to ask why God allows people to feel so helpless and hopeless.  I want answers.  I want to feel confident in my brother's eternal destiny.  I still struggle with this lack of faith.  Third is apathy.  I'm so wound up into everything that goes on that I have to sometimes detach myself from the situation.  "Don't think about it.  It doesn't directly affect your life.  Why stress about it?"  And this is the point where the cycle begins all over again.  Guilt, lack of faith, apathy... Let me see if I can combat these feelings with scripture. 

Guilt - Romans 8:1
Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus

Lack of faith - Romans 3:3-4
What if some were unfaithful? Will their unfaithfulness nullify God’s faithfulness?  Not at all! Let God be true, and every human being a liar. 

Apathy - Hebrews 11:6
And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.

At least this is a starting point.  God, help me in the areas where I struggle.  Help me to see you in every conversation I have and every word that I type.  Use me to relay hope.  Mold me.  Stretch me.  And most of all give me the strength to stand firm through it all!  Today is going to be a wonderful day!  

April 
 

Another Chance at Better

Are we living at such a level of human dependence upon Jesus Christ that His life is being exhibited moment by moment in us?

This quote by Oswald Chambers challenged me this morning.  I'm not living that way.  I replace spirit-led decisions with common sense and logic. I desire to depend on Christ, but I don't know what that looks like.  

This morning, my thoughts are still with my brother.  My mind wonders and wanders.  My faith is tested each moment I think of him.  I know Christ's promises, but I also have to be on guard against Satan's schemes and lies.  I think of Ephesians 6 and remember that I haven't strapped up for battle today.  I'm about to go out into the work place unarmed and unprepared.  This can be fixed.

The Armor of God

¹⁰ Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. ¹¹ Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. ¹² For our struggle is not against flesh and blood,but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. ¹³ Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. ¹⁴ Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, ¹⁵ and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. ¹⁶ In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. ¹⁷ Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

¹⁸ And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people. ¹⁹ Pray also for me, that whenever I speak, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, ²⁰ for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should.

I remember praying these verses as a little girl with my grandmother.  We would stand in the living room (which had kelley green carpet at the time), and arm ourselves for the day.  I think back to how simple of a task that was, but how very important of an act it turned out to be.  

So many people are praying for my brother and my entire family.  I am so grateful.  The waiting is the hardest part.  The not really knowing, and the questions about what comes next are hard too.  I find comfort in Psalm 91 though.  I used to pray this if I had nightmares.  I would sleep with my Bible under my pillow at night and if I was startled awake, I'd read it over and over and over.  

¹ He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. ^{I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress,} my God, in whom I trust."  ...You will not fear the terror of the night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday.   Psalm 91:1-2; 5-6

Come to think of it, I only remember having bad dreams when I shared a room with Andy.  Maybe that's how long Satan has been tormenting my brother.  But today is a new day.  God's mercies are new everyday, praise the Lord!

Yesterday at work didn't feel so productive.  We had a training that seemed fruitless and a whole lot of chaos on the second floor.  I have lots to do before we welcome the students back on the 20th, but that's why I titled my post:  "Another Chance at Better."  We have a fresh start each day we wake up.  Today will be better.  I'll be diligent and productive.  I'll pray for my family AND focus on my job.  God will sustain me.  I praise him for that.   

April

A Fresh Start

I've been re-reading the book Choosing to SEE by Mary Beth Chapman.  In light of everything that's going on at home, it's helped to renew my hope in the one who holds everything in his hands.  I spent several hours yesterday morning writing out scripture to send to my sister who in turn will read and show it to Andy (that's the plan anyway).  In addition to the scripture, I created an "encouragement" soundtrack of songs that radiate hope.  At this point, I don't know what's going to happen.  No one does.  We have no choice but to lean on Christ as our Rock and trust that Redemption will come.  My brother is under heavy bondage this day, and Satan has a death grip on his mind and body.  If you're reading this, join with me and hundreds of others in prayer for my brother.    

Romans 8:1-2

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death.

Romans 8:38-39

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

I've never had a blog before (unless xanga or myspace count).  It's something I never thought I'd like.  I'm still not sure how to work everything, but I guess I'll figure it out.  Maybe I won't like it.  Who knows?!

A new school year starts today.  I'm pretty excited about this year actually!  There are lots of new faculty and staff and it should be really fun.  There's still lots of prep to do, but God will sustain me one step at a time.  It's hard to fully focus on things at hand, but God will make a way.  

Romans 8:18
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.