"Look at God’s incredible waste of His saints, according to the world’s judgment. God seems to plant His saints in the most useless places. And then we say, “God intends for me to be here because I am so useful to Him.” Yet Jesus never measured His life by how or where He was of the greatest use. God places His saints where they will bring the most glory to Him, and we are totally incapable of judging where that may be." -Oswald Chambers
Is this where I'm bring most glory to God, really? Well... sometimes I still don't know what that looks like.
Yesterday was so much more productive than the day before that. I was able to organize my thoughts and my clutter (a little). I had a quiet room sit down in too. Next week I'll have to be more focused though. The kids come in a week... ahhhhh!
I got an email from a dear friend this morning informing me of some hard times her sister is going through. She knew I could relate due to the fact my brother is going through some tough times right now as well. It breaks my heart when I see or hear about suffering. I feel these weird emotions all at once. First is guilt. "Why do they have to suffer... I'm feeling great, but it's not fair for me to feel good and happy with life when someone else is hurting." Second is lack of faith. I am tempted to ask why God allows people to feel so helpless and hopeless. I want answers. I want to feel confident in my brother's eternal destiny. I still struggle with this lack of faith. Third is apathy. I'm so wound up into everything that goes on that I have to sometimes detach myself from the situation. "Don't think about it. It doesn't directly affect your life. Why stress about it?" And this is the point where the cycle begins all over again. Guilt, lack of faith, apathy... Let me see if I can combat these feelings with scripture.
Guilt - Romans 8:1
Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus
Lack of faith - Romans 3:3-4
What if some were unfaithful? Will their unfaithfulness nullify God’s faithfulness? Not at all! Let God be true, and every human being a liar.
Apathy - Hebrews 11:6
And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.
At least this is a starting point. God, help me in the areas where I struggle. Help me to see you in every conversation I have and every word that I type. Use me to relay hope. Mold me. Stretch me. And most of all give me the strength to stand firm through it all! Today is going to be a wonderful day!
April
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