I guess I haven't thought about it in a while, but God is a Lover. He's the lover of my soul. A true lover wants what's best for the other and puts the other's needs before their own. I suppose God is no different. He loves fiercely, passionately, and perfectly.
Something I've noticed about myself is that I have a hard time feeling loved when I don't love or approve of myself. My earthly husband can love me so much and so deeply. But when it really clicks is when I feel lovable and worthy of that love. I realize that this is opposite in a way of what Scripture says, but I don't think it's wrong.
It's my natural tendency to want to feel loved and assured and romanced. My husband does that pretty well. Sometimes even when I feel fat or bloated or dirty or smelly he shows that he loves me. And I have no doubt that my husband truly loves me in those moments. But in those same moments, I don't want to be loved because I can't stand myself! What I'm getting at is this: when I take care of myself and do the necessary things it takes to prepare for a night out--like showering, watching what I eat that day, dressing up, maybe a little make up, taming the unruly hair--it's amazing how different I feel when it comes to accepting my husband's love.
It's that same with our Creator. Does he love me less on days that I don't acknowledge him or spend time with him in prayer? Of course not! Does he stop showing his love because I just watched a foul movie or gossiped about a co-worker? No. But when my heart is not ready to receive his love, it just doesn't mean as much and the guilt is that much heavier. If I prepared my heart the way I prepare my earthly body for a date with the hubby, I would be more receptive to the love that's always been there. I'd be more understanding of it, and feel more worthy of it. It doesn't make me more worthy, but we all know with women that feelings are everything.
Some may not agree with me on this, but I think an actual relationship takes two. God loves me fiercely and wholly and passionately, but in order to fully experience the depth of that love, I need to open myself up to him. I need to prepare myself--as I did on my wedding day--for the God of the universe to romance me. I know he'll love me on my worst days, just like my husband (and more), but I'll also feel him on my good days and be more susceptible to his wooing when I prepare my heart.
I pray that I would allow myself the time to "get ready" each day. I blow it off (both literally and figuratively) more times than not, but when I do take the time to prepare my body and heart there's nothing like it! I pray that I would not succumb to laziness and lethargy and pass up the chance to feel beautiful and loved from the inside out...
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